Adrift on the ocean, torn apart, swallowed by the waves
I struggle, fight, war against the storm
I am overtaken, pulled under, gasping, grasping for the surface
Life. Storms. Struggle.
a gasp, a breath of air, still alive, still wanting to live, beaten by the storms
the storms have come back, to back, to back
I no longer remember how long I’ve been swimming…
I feel my fear, my strength, my weakness, my vigilance
struggling for breath
struggling for survival
Life. Breath. Survival.
I gaze deeply into the blackness, it’s depths invite me
Will I find rest there?
I am so weary, so… very… weary
I can not stop
I can not see the light
Life. Weary. Depths.
waves that become storms
storms become my reality
fatigue and exhaustion overtake me
I have battled and won, battled and lost, and I have reached my final effort…
there is no more
I gulp at the air
my lungs empty from the pressure
my final breath
Life. Last. Release.
I release, sink, allow the blackness in, feeling the cool, swirling depths take me
I let go… let… go….
my panicked mind stops it’s spin, my muscles loosen
the silence is my only awareness
The Silence… it comforts me
The Silence… is so still
The Silence… I trust
I let go more
I fall deeper into the depths of my exhaustion…
finding relaxation, it deepens, it fills my Being
I let go of fighting
I let go of struggle
I let go of resisting
I let go of me, my story, who I think I am, my pain, my everything
I fall into the embrace of Silence, enjoying the stillness
peace is waiting for me here
peace is here…
Silence. Surrender. Peace.
a place with no time
both empty and full
suspended in the depths of the vast underworld, void of existence…
I let go…
am no more
Infinite. Timeless. Space.
my body breaks the surface
my skin feels both warm and cool
I breathe in gently
Suspended. Supported. Safe.
it was there for me in the stillness, in the silence, in my surrender
it has been there for me always
Surrender, the key
my awareness turns to the sensation of the water lapping at my cheeks
it kissing me softly as a lover
my body suspended, relaxed on the surface of a moving sea
suspended, carried, caressed
I smile gently to myself, knowing
I continue to let go into surrender
I continue to let go into trust
I open my eyes to see the stars
Awake. Well. Alive.
by Melinda D. Alexander